Kazuma's Meta Dungeon Quest
by RainEStar3
Summary: Kazuma goes to a seasonal noob-friendly dungeon. He tries to metagame it. It doesn't work out.


**Konosuba isn't owned by me. If it was, Kazuma would be replaced by a decent person and Megumin would be the main character.**

* * *

It was an ordinary day in the guild hall. Rookie adventures chatted nervously amongst themselves. Seasoned adventures relished and embellished the tall tales of their times spent defending this noob-friendly village. Various parties examined the quest board for available quests.

And a certain dysfunctional party was causing its routine general commotion.

"Kazuma, look at this!" the party's archpriest and unrecognized goddess, Aqua, shouted as she shook the brunette boy wildly.

Aforementioned boy did not appreciate the violent treatment and struggled in vain to push Aqua away. "Let go of me before you give me brain damage!" Kazuma yelled. Bestowed with the most useless class of "Adventurer", Kazuma had his hands full leading his prestigiously classed but woefully inept party members.

"Kazuma doesn't have brain damage already?" Megumin asked. Dressed in robes and a hat that left little of her class to the imagination, the loli Archiwizard of the party apathetically commented on her leader's plight.

"What was that?!" Kazuma shouted indignantly.

"Why are you yelling at Megumin?" Darkness, the party's crusader, asked. "If you want to verbally abuse someone,_ that should be me_." The perverted smile on her face was a neon sign that her masochistic tendencies were, as usual, at their peak.

"Kazuma!" Aqua whined, shaking the party leader even harder. "Look! Look!"

"Let me go!" Aqua immediately complied, letting Kazuma fly into the nearest wall. He folded in half with a groan, falling to the ground in crumbled heap.

"Kazuma!"

The boy in question pulled his face from the building's stone floor. "Alright, useless goddess, what is it?" Kazuma growled. Aqua hauled him by the collar of his tracksuit and nearly shoved his face in front of one of the fliers posted on the quest board.

"_The Endless Dungeon event is going on now_," Kazuma read aloud. "_Do you have what it takes?_ What is this?"

"Oh, I've heard of this," said Darkness. "There's a dungeon that appears every so often. No one's managed to beat it."

"How does that even work?" Kazuma asked. "Are the monsters that strong? I mean, this town is mostly for beginners to start off."

"Actually, most people don't even end up fighting anything," said Darkness. "They foolishly rush inside and leave with nothing but the clothes on their back. Sometimes, _they have less than that_." Kazuma gained a perverted smile on his face, but his fantasy was quickly ruined by the image of a bunch of guys running out of a dungeon in loincloths. If one of his party members ended up like that… he shuddered at the thought.

"Those that actually return with something in their hands normally only find some cheap loot that anyone could find in any low-level dungeon or a second-hand store," said Megumin.

"Wait," said Kazuma, raising his hand with a deadpan expression. "So, half the people walk in and lose their low-quality gear, and the other half walk out with low quality loot?"

"Pretty much," Darkness said with a nod. "Imagine what we could lose…"

"And none of you find that the least bit suspicious?" Kazuma asked incredulously.

"It's a dungeon," Megumin deadpanned. "Don't question its rules."

"But there's nothing to gain!"

"Actually, there are rumors that there are great, untold treasures in the dungeon," said Darkness. "Or, so I've heard. People say that they see their hearts desire, but can never seem to remember why they never brought it back."

"You do realize that doesn't make any sense, right?" Kazuma deadpanned.

"It sounds amazing!" Aqua declared. "Let's go!"

"Oi!" Kazuma protested. "Isn't this just a fifty-fifty chance that we either get trash that people lost or lose what little we have?"

"Don't worry," Aqua assured him. "I have faith that my luck will allow us to bring back enough loot to have drinks on the house tonight!"

"Your luck is the worst…" Kazuma deadpanned.

"As a follower of Eris, Goddess of Fortune, I feel great pleasure will come to us," Darkness declared.

"I'd prefer treasure over whatever you're thinking of," Kazuma sighed.

"We will go," said Megumin. "Because as a member of the Crimson Demon Clan, I must test my power against any and all impossible challenges!"

"Hell, no!" Kazuma protested. "We are not wasting out time and energy on a dungeon that's nothing more than an obviously cheap scam!"

* * *

"Why are we here…"

The party stood outside a small castle that looked like it had been carved from a particularly small mountain. One would have thought that the castle was a lingering ruin of a long-lost civilization if it wasn't for the empty field that surrounded it. The castle looked out of place on the open grassy hills. There were small tunnels where the castle sat over a dip in the terrain. Rather than a castle resting in the countryside, it looked like someone slapped a stone castle on a painting of hill country and called it a masterpiece.

"You were outvoted, stupid NEET," Aqua answered his question.

"Shut up, useless goddess."

"Kazuma, while your words may have a different meaning to you, I must insist you stop referring to Aqua as a goddess, even in jest," said Darkness with surprising seriousness.

"But I am—"

Kazuma quickly covered the bluenette's mouth. "Got it, sorry about that, Darkness-sama."

Darkness smiled as she turned to the dungeon entrance. The doors were large and decorated with symbols that were so faded they were unrecognizable. "I wonder what we'll find inside," she wondered. "What fiend will make its appearance and strip us of everything we have?" She started to blush and sway as perverted fantasies flew through her mind.

"Only one way to find out," Kazuma sighed as he pushed open the once elaborate doors.

"It's bigger on the inside," said Megumin in awe. The doors opened up to a large, open hallway with equally large doors on each side. The ceiling seemed to reach higher than the outside of the castle would suggest.

"You haven't been inside it before?" Kazuma asked.

"Well… as an Archmage with the most powerful Explosion in existence, there was no reason for me to wander around the labyrinth with the unlikely chance of finding a creature worth exploding."

"In other words, you didn't want to pass out and lose your gear," Kazuma translated.

"I-I'm not scared," said Megumin. "These clothes and this staff are my only possessions. I don't have much to lose."

"Oh," Kazuma gave her a fisheyed look that made the young mage shiver. "That makes sense."

"Wh-what are you looking at?"

"Nothing, obviously," Kazuma deadpanned, lamenting the lack of eye candy he had in his party. Megumin was a loli, Aqua annoyed him, and Darkness was too perverted for even his tastes.

"You were thinking something rude, weren't you," Megumin asked with a suspicious glare.

"N-nope!" Kazuma said with a nervous laugh. "Oh look, the others are getting ahead of us! Let's go!"

Megumin glare followed Kazuma as he made his hasty escape.

Time seemed to stretch on as the group walked through the long hallway. Some of the doors were partially opened, but none of them interested the group. A room of random hats and helmets. A room of iron balls. A room of fish—in tanks, of course. A room of straw brooms. A room of shiny lamps. A room detailing the Explosion spell. A room of butterflies—

"WAIT!" Megumin shouted, bringing the party to a halt. She backtracked to the room which hung a drawing of explosion magic on its wall. "This, it's perfect!"

"Eh?" The rest of the part said in unison.

"A room dedicated to Explosion magic!" Megumin cheered. She pushed the door wide open—a surprisingly easy feat, given its size. Inside, there were scrolls and tomes, all clearly labeled to be describing the Explosion magic. "It's like this room was made for me."

"That's creepy," Kazuma deadpanned.

"Grab what you need and let's move on," said Aqua with a yawn.

"How could I possibly choose?" Megumin asked. "I need to look at all of them! This scroll is good. And this tome—is that a grimoire?!"

"How about we leave you to it while we go explore the rest of the castle?" Darkness suggested.

"Yeah, we can grab you on our way back," said Aqua.

"Are you suggesting we split the party?" Kazuma asked incredulously. "That's the worst thing we can do in a dungeon like this!"

"I thought you said this dungeon was a 'cheap scam'," Aqua said cheekily. "Don't tell me you're scared of it now."

"I'm not!" Kazuma protested. "It's just a bad thing to split the party in an unknown dungeon. You should know that. Right?"

"We should be fine," said Darkness. "Low level adventurers have been entering this dungeon for forever, and they've never been harmed.

"Besides, she found loot that seems better than what most people get when they leave this dungeon," said Aqua. "It'll sell for a lot."

"I'm not selling any of this!" Megumin protested without turning around. Her arms were straining under the weight a stack of papers and tomes that reached over her head. "I must keep them all to keep my spot as the most powerful user of Explosion magic."

"Humph!" Aqua huffed. "Fine, I'll look for my own treasure. Come on, Darkness!"

"Coming!"

"Oi! Don't run off without me!" Kazuma called running after them. Then he stopped and turned back to the room they had left Megumin.

He blinked.

He rubbed his eyes.

He squinted.

He couldn't see any open doors displaying an array dedicated to Explosion magic. Which is strange, because he thought Megumin left the door open. Unless she closed it behind them…?

"Hurry up, Kazuma-NEET!"

"I'm coming!" he hollered, resuming his pursuit of his two other party members. Whatever door she was behind, they'd find her when they were on their way back.

Probably.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

"Darkness! Where are you going!"

Aqua shout forced Kazuma out of his thoughts. The blond crusader had run up to one of the doors was peeking inside. Judging from the way her body was twitching and swaying, she found something she found disturbingly interesting.

"What is it now?" Kazuma grumbled, standing on his toes to peer into the room. To his complete and utter lack of surprise, he was staring into what appeared to be a torture dungeon.

"I must see… and feel…" Darkness fell into incoherent mutterings as she tried to push open the door and enter the room. To the party's surprise, instead of opening easily as it had for Megumin, the door barely shuddered as Darkness leaned in.

"What the hell is going on?" Kazuma asked incredulously. "The loli can open these doors, but a Paladin can't?"

"Kazuma, Aqua, I must get inside!" Darkness declared. She stuck her head and arms through the door, but her armor and sizable bust prevented her from going any farther. "Go on without me!"

"Sure," Aqua said, wasting no time walking away. "Come on, Kazuma."

"You seriously want us to leave you here?" Kazuma asked. He wasn't surprised by Darkness's behavior at this point, but he felt like he had to make sure.

"This quest is mine, and mine alone," Darkness said solemnly. "I cannot afford to drag you all down for my own personal desires."

"Wow, Darkness," said Kazuma. "You almost sounded cool there." His eyes wandered to her straining lower body. "But your position is really ruining the moment."

"KAZUMA!"

"I'M COMING!" The teen shouted back. "See you on the way back, Darkness," he offered as he left.

Kazuma didn't even have time to catch up to Aqua before the Goddess-turned-Archpriest was running up to another door. "Oi! Stop running off!" he hollered.

"It's perfect!" Aqua squealed as she pulled the door open and ran inside.

Kazuma looked at the door in confusion. "Didn't the other doors open inward?" he asked himself. Shrugging, he decided that it wasn't worth the effort to ponder that conundrum. He took a look inside the room, turned around, and continued walking.

Aqua, in a room surrounded by alcohol and images regarding the Axis Cult, didn't even notice.

"Looks like it's just me," Kazuma said as he continued walking. "No useless lolis, masochists, or goddesses in sight. Just your former NEET turned adventurer in a dungeon with rooms that show your hidden desires. Right!" He raised his fist to the sky and cried dramatically, "I'm not going to fall for it! I'm going to go straight ahead and find the treasure at the end of this hallway!"

He held the pose for another two seconds longer. Then, feeling self-conscious, put his arm down and began quickly away. "No one saw you. No one saw you. No one saw you." He continued repeating this mantra as he power-walked through the dungeon.

Time seemed to stretch as long and endlessly as the hallway as Kazuma continued his walk. His eyes caught glimpse of anime and manga products from his world, but he switched to a jog to speed past the rooms. As the contents of the rooms grew more and more tempting, he broke into a full sprint. He sped past rooms that displayed his mostly closely guarded secret desires. At one point, he felt that the rooms themselves were passing him in a blur.

Then, he saw the light.

Kazuma squinted his eyes as he made out a faint glow in the distance. "Is that, the glint of treasure?" he wondered. The glow became closer and closer, until finally…

He arrived.

The place was a treasure room, that was for certain. It actually reminded him of a dragon hoard in the way it was arranged. Gold coins lay in piles, with treasure scattered around randomly. A Persian rug hung off a solid gold lamppost. A glowing, icy blue sword stood point first in a mountain of silver jewelry. From the ceiling and walls necklaces, rings, and other treasures hung from hooks and outcroppings.

Kazuma walked into the room in awe but did not attempt to grab anything yet. He knew how these dungeons worked, and until he found the trap, he wasn't going to touch anything. Walking to the center of the room, he found that the treasures had been swept away to make room for the largest and most extravagant bird cage he had ever seen. Vines and flowers and flowers, crafted with gold and inlayed with gems, wrapped around the cage's bars. Silver engravings flowed over the cage's exterior. It was a wonder that was probably worth more than anything else in the room. But the cage's true beauty lay within.

Sitting gracefully on the cage's floor was the most beautiful woman Kazuma had ever seen. Pointed ears revealed her elf heritage. A pale green dress hugged her curved body in a way that was eye-catching yet modest. Her face was like porcelain, every feature as perfect as a doll, yet somehow not looking artificial. Blond hair curtained down her back like a golden waterfall, curling ever so slightly where it reached the floor. As Kazuma stared with a gaping open mouth, her eyes opened. Such a rich color of blue, deeper than the ocean and brimming with the perfect mix of innocence and elegance.

"Young hero," she said with a serene smile on her face. The aura that flowed from her could calm the storms of the world and ignite the passionate flames of male youths. "You have managed to pass the trials that have ensnared many an adventurer. You have avoided the doors of distractions, the visions of misdirection, and the cries of lost souls. I can see now that you were truly the chosen one, destined to travel to this castle and free me from my gilded cage. At long last, my day of salvation is at hand. Many have entered this castle, but they fell into temptations—"

"Uh-huh," said Kazuma noncommittally, his attention already lost. He scanned the surrounding treasures to see how much he could make off with for maximum profit.

"The dragon who owns this hoard is no threat to you—"

The calculating gears in Kazuma's mind came to a screeching halt. "Dragon?" He shrieked.

The young woman paused, giving him an odd look. "Yes, dragon," she repeated. "It's no problem, the dragon won't—hey, what are you doing?"

Kazuma didn't look up as he took off his tracksuit and began shoveling the most expensive items, he could see into it. "Getting the loot," Kazuma casually. "If the dragon comes back, I don't want to be caught standing around here."

"Dragons will be able to catch your scent," the elf deadpanned.

"Then I'll just have to run like hell," Kazuma replied logically as he began tying up the ends of his jacket.

"Wait, you need to free me!" the elf cried. "Don't just leave me here!"

Kazuma looked over the elaborate cage the elf was trapped in. "Eh… I don't know."

"What?" The elf seemed dumbfounded. "I'm a beautiful, fair young maiden! Trapped in a cage! In a dragon's hoard! You're supposed to rescue me! You're my chosen one! My knight in shining armor!"

"Nah, I'm just a normal adventure trying to get through the day," Kazuma replied. "My useless party are always getting in debt, especially that annoying goddess, so unless you have a good reward on your head, I'm better off grabbing your weight in gold. Or even half your weight will be enough."

The elf flushed, looking down at her amply developed body. "Are you calling me fat?!" she asked indignantly.

"Only where it counts," Kazuma replied with a wink and a thumbs up.

The woman blushed. "I see," she said darkly. The warm regality of her voice now dripped with venom. "You're no hero at all."

"Um… how'd you figure that?" Kazuma asked. For some reason, the lady's previously serene blue eyes now carried the frost of an endless winter.

"Your dedication, focus, wit, and cunning are too sharp for any run of the mill hero," the elf replied. "You're actually…"

Kazuma trembled.

"A prodigy genius!"

Kazuma maintained eye contact, waiting for her to finish the joke. When she said nothing else, all he could say was, "Huh?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" the elf proclaimed. "I already know that you know what I am! So, don't pretended that I don't know that I know, because you do know!"

"I know that you're crazy, that's about it, lady," Kazuma deadpanned.

"Mocking me with that title, are you," the elf sneered. "Yes, I am the Lady of the Castle, the Dragon of the Mountain Castle! You are wise beyond your years for discovering my identity so easily!"

"Eh…" The sound Kazuma's mouth made barely counted as a response, but that didn't stop the woman in the cage.

"I designed the castle with some of the strongest magic available to me. Rooms that would show your most treasured desires. A hallway that was endless to all but the most strong-willed people. Mental wards that would confuse the wayward minds. And finally, a beautiful cage where I could be rescued like a princess and live out a lifetime in a royal castle!"

"But don't you have a castle?" Kazuma had to ask.

"It's not the same," she insisted. "I needed to be swept off my feet by a Prince Charming like they have in the fairy tales. And I couldn't let myself be slain, so I had to make sure the cage was perfect inside and outside. But when I finished remodeling the inside, I realized that I left my key on that table."

Kazuma's gaze followed where her finger was pointing. Sure enough, a golden key ring with a particularly elaborate key was sitting on a marble table inlaid with gold and gems.

"In order to look authentic, I had this cage negate magic, which left me unable to break free," the woman lamented. "If it wasn't for my dragon constitution letting me survive without food, I would have starved to death already. So, I'm forever trapped, until _someone_ gets those _keys_ and sets me _free_."

Kazuma sighed. He turned away from his scavenging and turned to the dragon-elf lady. "Have you tried just squeezing through?" Kazuma asked. "The gap between the bars looks big enough to fit through."

"Well, I managed to get my head and shoulders through," she confessed. "But some parts of my body couldn't fit."

"Ah, yes," Kazuma said eloquently as he reexamined her curvaceous figure. "Those are definitely not going to fit."

"Stop looking at me like that!" she protested, flushing bright red. "Pervert."

"If you turned yourself into a hot elf lady, why not make yourself, I dunno, smaller?" he suggested.

"I told you, I can't use my magic," she said. "I can't do anything to break out. I've already tried everything."

"So, just to be completely clear, you absolutely can't get out?" Kazuma asked.

"That's correct."

"You've tried everything, and nothing works."

"Right."

"And you definitely need me to rescue you."

"Yes!"

"What do I get for it?"

"If you release me, I promise to grant you a fraction of my treasure—"

"Pass," Kazuma immediately responded. He strapped his tied-up jacket around his back like a satchel and began scavenging for other magical trinkets.

"W-what are you doing?" The elf asked. "Even a fraction of my treasure is worth more than a normal human would see in their lifetime!"

"True, but since you're the dragon with the loot, as long as I don't release you, I get all the loot," said Kazuma. "It's simple profit."

"So, you want something more?" she asked. "Given where your eyes have been, you're most definitely a pervert. Very well, if that's the case, I offer you my—"

"Sorry, but I have a subscription with the local Succubi," said Kazuma. "The dream experience is easier to hide from the others and comes in much wider variety of scenarios. Plus, it's safer than dealing with someone who breathes fire. You have nothing I want." Kazuma grunted, his arms, shoulders, and waist weighted down with every possible treasure he could feasibly carry.

"No, wait!" the woman cried as Kazuma started towards the entrance. "You can't just leave me here!"

"Why not?"

"Because you're the only one who's managed to find this room in forever!" she said. "I could be waiting for eternity for another person to show up!"

"Good," said Kazuma. "That gives me more time to loot the place. This'll take a lot of trips."

"Stop stealing my stuff!"

"Catch you later," Kazuma gave a half salute as he shambled away.

"No, please! You can't do this!"

"Not listening!"

"Please, I beg of you! Don't leave me here all alone!"

"Cry me a river!"

"I don't wanna be alone!"

Just as Kazuma reached the top of the money hill that would take him out of the room's center, a trio of voices called out to him.

"Kazuma!"

Kazuma blinked. Sure enough, on the other side of the monetary mountain, his three companions were standing. "Aqua, Darkness, Megumin!" The teen said in surprise. He shuffled as much of his loot behind his back as he could. A futile endeavor. "What are you doing here?"

"We all came to a revelation," said Darkness.

"There is no scroll of Explosions that is worth Kazuma's Mana Drain and Aqua's mana reserves," said Megumin.

"And my adventures with you have gotten me into more dangerous and horrifying situations than what I could ever find on my own," said Darkness, a strand of drool falling from her face.

"And without my divine guidance you would be a helpless, stupid NEET," declared Aqua.

"When we all focused on getting back together, we left our rooms and met up in front of this one," said Megumin.

"Wow, you guys really know how to make a guy feel appreciated," Kazuma deadpanned.

"Hey!" the caged lady shouted. "Stop ignoring me!"

"Kazuma!" Aqua exclaimed. "Were you abandoning a poor maiden trapped in a cage?"

"W-well—" Kazuma held his hands in front him in a futile pleading gesture.

"He was!" the elf cried, tears and snot dripping down her face. "H-he was going to l-leave me here! H-he cheated me, called me f-f-fat, and was going walk away even after I offered my body to him!"

"I wish he would do that to me," Darkness panted.

"Kazuma! You idiot NEET!" Aqua berated the teen, who was now trembling. "How dare you leave a fair maiden trapped like that!

"And you call yourself man!" Megumin shot with a glare.

"She's evil!" Kazuma explained frantically. "This entire place is her castle. She was just stupid enough to get trapped in her own cage."

The three girls looked at him with deadpanned expressions. "Kazuma," said Darkness slowly, as if explaining things to a child. "You're a really bad liar."

"Huh? I'm not lying!" Kazuma protested. "She was doing her whole villain ranting thing before you got here."

"If she did own the place, how would she get trapped in her own cage?" Megumin questioned suspiciously.

"Yeah!" said Aqua. "It'd take a stupider idiot than you to get trapped in your own cage."

Kazuma spied the infuriated expression on the caged girl's face. "See!" he cried, pointing at her. "She was just insulted by your insult, Aqua!"

The three turned to look at the elf who, while still red in the face, had reverted back to her despondent expression. "You need to get your eyes fixed," said Megumin. "She's obviously red from crying too much."

"You're the one wearing an eyepatch! What right do you have to lecture me about my vision?"

Darkness calmly raised her sword and stepped up to the cage.

"Darkness, what are you doing?" Kazuma asked nervously.

"Obviously, this maiden has suffered more than enough of your depravity," the crusader declared. "I will now free her from her gilded cage, because it is my duty as a crusader! And if I end up getting trapped inside instead of her, it will be a worthy sacrifice."

"Please don't," said Megumin flatly. "We're taking you back one way or another, and I doubt Kazuma has the strength to drag a cage around."

"I will do my best!" Darkness yelled as she brought back her sword.

"No!" Kauma yelled as the crusader swung.

And missed.

And swung again.

And missed again.

"Right, I forgot she can't hit anything," Kazuma breathed a sigh of relief.

"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark—"

"Don't use Explosion magic!" Kazuma screeched. "The cage is immune to magic! You'll just blow up us and all the treasure.

Megumin paused, looking to the caged elf.

"The rascal speaks true," she said mournfully. "Even explosion magic wouldn't be able to open this cage. _And would probably kill any normal person…_" she added under breath.

"See," said Kazuma. "We can't help her anyway. So, let's just go back home, maybe see if someone from the Guild can—"

"Oh, look, a key," said Aqua picking up the cage's key from the marble table.

"That's the key to the cage!" the elf exclaimed.

"Wait!" Kazuma cried. "Don't free her!" He lunged for Aqua, but before he could take a step, he found himself being tackled by the waist. "What? Megumin?"

"Don't you dare ruin the freedom that woman deserves!" the petite Arch-wizard demanded. "I'll hold you down if it's the last thing I do."

With a mental shrug, Kazuma got up and lunged for Aqua once again. Megumin's weight proved to be an ineffective anchor. But he was stopped in his tracks when Darkness stood facing him, her arms open wide. "You can do whatever you want to me, Kazuma," she declared. "But you shall not stop Aqua in her pursuit of all that is good in the world."

"That doesn't even make sense!" Kazuma protested. "Let me through! I need to stop her before—"

"Thank you, Aqua-sama," the elf cheered as the cage door opened.

"Now you're free!" Aqua declared. "Don't bother thanking me, it is my duty as Aqua, Goddess of the Axis Cult, to do deeds for the good of all people. But if you really insist, join my followers in worship of me."

"I owe you so much for saving me," the girl replied with a deep bow. "And I owe even more to Kazuma, who had discovered me and almost abandoned me."

Kazuma took a hesitant step back as he felt a pressing bloodlust fill the air. The pressure made his hair stick straight up, and he felt like the air was becoming thick and burning.

"I was going to consider giving you a gift if you freed me willingly," she said. "But after your rejection, I feel like you deserve something else entirely." The building suddenly dropped as she turned to the three girls. "Oh, but you three each get one treasure of your choice. I'll deal with him separately."

"Awesome! Let's go!" Aqua said. She and Darkness took off almost immediately, but Megumin hung back.

"What are you going to do?" she asked the elf suspiciously.

"Just give him an ample punishment," the woman assured her.

While her back was turned, Kazuma made hand signs to Megumin, begging her to save him. The petite girl shrugged. "Just leave him in one piece, we need him in our party."

"That can be arranged."

"Megumin…" Kazuma said, snot and tears dripping from his face.

"Ew. Bye." With a twirl of her cape, Megumin walked away.

Kazuma watched her go with a forlorn expression. Then he turned to the lady, who was staring at him with predatory eyes. "Um… no hard feelings?" The teen offered.

She snorted. Her form rippled as her dress stretched across her body. Wings sprouted from her back and her size multiplied drastically. Within seconds, where an elvin beauty once stood, a magnificent dragon sat.

"Be gentle?" Kazuma squeaked.

The dragon roared, breathing fire down on him. Kazuma broke into a run, shedding the various treasures he collected in order to not be weighted down.

"Did that sound like a dragon?" Megumin asked.

Darkness and Aqua paused, listening to the sounds of blazing fire, thundering footsteps, furious roars, and Kazuma's panicked screams.

"Maybe we should check," Darkness suggested.

Megumin and Aqua exchanged a look. "Nah," they said at the same time.

"Let's just find the priciest items in this loot," said Aqua.

To this day, a legend spread that the secret boss of the dungeon was a powerful dragon, and only through the intellect, purity, and charisma of a group of female adventurers would the greatest of all treasures be brought to light.

And after the day's adventures…

"You, useless goddess! You spent all our money on alcohol again?!"

* * *

**I'm gonna be honest, Konosuba isn't for me (especially the anime). But I had an idea for a story, and these characters filled the roles just perfectly. Plus, free Kazuma abuse, which is a highlight for me to write.**

**Please leave a review! Keep in mind, reviews are food for a writer's soul.**


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